Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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