Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
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