and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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