Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
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Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
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We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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