I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize