oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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