I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
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and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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