If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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