No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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