Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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