Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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