The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
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No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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