that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
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Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
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Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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