Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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