new low.... made out with someone while peeing
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
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I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
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the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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