In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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