Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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