it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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