its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
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Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
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SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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