did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize