And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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