He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
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bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
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Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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