I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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