Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
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You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
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I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think my moral compass just broke
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize