I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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