I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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