My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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