remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize