my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
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My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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