Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
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Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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