margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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