I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
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You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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