He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
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Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
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But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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