you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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