mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
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I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize