he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize