I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have post one night stand depression
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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