break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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