I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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