If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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