I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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