my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
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i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
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I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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