I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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