i barfeds in our rink
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
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Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
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just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So vagazzling was a success
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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