Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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