I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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