She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
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Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
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I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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