There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
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she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
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Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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