Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
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So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
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What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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