I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize